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…Yeah you weren’t kidding Laura. A lot of people forget this bit of dialogue from Twin Peaks, but when reminded, kind of freaks you out when you consider the show is returning 25 years after the fact. Did David Lynch plan the return of Twin Peaks 25 years ago? Did he just roll the dice and hope it would happen, or was it just some creepy stuff to put in a script? I’m sure there’s an answer out there, but much like Laura Palmer’s death some things are better left a mystery.

To the point, here are some things I’d love to see in the new season of Twin Peaks. As always, these aren’t deal breakers by any means…just some fun food for thought. Spoilers for those who haven’t seen the original series obviously.

 

Dale Cooper:

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I think the inclusion of Agent Dale Cooper is a foregone conclusion for most people, but without any confirmations yet (at the time of writing this article) my fingers are crossed for Coop remaining the main character of the series. Will he be in a mental hospital? Will he still be with the bureau? When Season 2 left us with that shot of Dale’s forehead smashed against a mirror, covered in blood, possessed by Bob, it was one of the cruelest cliffhangers ever devised. I’m not expecting Lynch to answer much, but I’d be happy with a complete narrative arc for Dale Cooper…and some more of that delicious cherry pie too.

 

The Black Lodge:

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Again, I’m fairly sure we’re going to see it, but are we going to get to know it better this time around? I’d like to learn more about the ins and outs of this place. Not necessarily what it is, as I don’t need everything explained, but more of an expanded mythology would be pretty cool. It’s one of the most iconic sets in Twin Peaks…well, to be fair, it’s one of the most iconic sets in television full stop, so just to see it return will be awesome enough.

Who Killed Laura Palmer? … Who Cares?

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As some of you may know, Lynch was apparently bullied by some really silly people in suits into revealing Laura’s killer even though he had never planned to. I figure the conversation went a little like this:

Suit #1: Hey Chet! We’ve got a real winner on our hands with this Twin Peaks show. Ratings are high, people love it!

Suit #2: Dynamic solutions! Corporate ladder! What do you think Trent?

Suit #1: Great point!

Suit #1 & #2: Take it to the next level! Action Item!

At this point the studio was on fire and they both received huge bonuses, and the show was in the toilet. Good for them.

So here’s the idea: Retcon it. Take away the answer to the question by making it false in retrospect. I know the show did lots of work in the background to make the answer to “who killed Laura Palmer” make some sense, but c’mon…it’s David Lynch! If anyone can alternate-state-of-being his way out of a situation like this, it’s him! With all things Black Lodge and Bob possession, there could be a way to undo this…what do y’all think?

David Duchovny

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Right? Right. Californication is over and done with, I’ll bet we see Mulder in a dress once again before 2016 is out.

Diane…

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Where Dale Cooper goes, hopefully “Diane” goes with him. No one knows who or what Diane is, I don’t think anyone really cares as long as she’s represented in the new series. I’d really hate it if “Diane” suddenly became “Siri” or somesuch. Diane needs to be addressed through the same tape recorder, the same name to preserve one of the most fun and quirky aspects of the show.

Gordon Cole

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Last but not least, I’d love to see David Lynch return as the hard of hearing FBI agent Gordon Cole.

YOU ARE WITNESSING A FRONT THREE-QUARTER VIEW OF TWO ADULTS SHARING A TENDER MOMENT.

No…I said I’d like to see you return to the show!

THEY SAY THAT LOVE MAKES THE WORLD GO ROUND. MAKES PEOPLE WHO NEED PEOPLE THE LUCKIEST PEOPLE IN THE WORLD. ALTHOUGH, THEY NEVER SAID A DOGGONE THING ABOUT A CURE FOR HEARING LOSS.

Sure Cole. Whatever.

So that’s it folks! Some Twin Peaks musings while I sip my coffee and stare at the clock waiting for it to become 2016.